(((Book))) ☟ Why We Broke Up ☚ PDF eBook or Kindle ePUB free

I m going to tell you something, whoever is going to read this review, if anybody will be reading this piece of junk that I am writing as I go at all I m going to tell you something, and you better believe me because I m not one to give advice to strangers unless they re lost on the subway, or wondering where the nearest KFC is I always know where the nearest KFC is I don t know how personal or convoluted this might get, but I guess it s what some people say, right The important thing is I m going to tell you something, whoever is going to read this review, if anybody will be reading this piece of junk that I am writing as I go at all I m going to tell you something, and you better believe me because I m not one to give advice to strangers unless they re lost on the subway, or wondering where the nearest KFC is I always know where the nearest KFC is I don t know how personal or convoluted this might get, but I guess it s what some people say, right The important thing is to try Never mind that those people are mostly losers, let s forget that for a moment Whatever it is that I end up telling you is going to start now, so if you re in dire need of a potty break, I suggest you do it quickly Some serious feeling dumping is about to take place here I honestly hated this book For a while there, for who knows how many pages, I saw reading this pretentious bundle of heavy and colorful pages as a chore I did Thinking back to the time when I honestly wanted this book to burst in spontaneous combustion and who gives a damn about the 20 dollars I spent of my hard earned money on this piece of crap , I can actually understand where all the hatred and deeply rooted annoyance came from Really, it makes sense I hated this book right off the bat and I did so with reason because it wasn t what i expected I wasn t really sure of what I expected, but it certainly was not this, all these dormant feelings just waiting around the corner to beat me in the head with a shovel, all these run on sentences that ended up forming something eerily cohesive, all these words and words andwords and where s this damn story going I hated how the main character s Min s train of thought were literal train wrecks, I hated how everything was so pretentious and seemingly unreal, I hated the pages and pages and pages of run on sentences depicting the most trivial, tedious stuff that had me doubting I could even finish what I d initially dubbed a piece of utterly arrogant crap In short, I wanted it gagged, tied up, driven to the woods in a shoddy pickup truck and shot dead But you see, the freakiest thing is that I didn t Don t Hate it, I mean It s not my favorite book although it could be, and maybe tomorrow it might, once all the haze that finishing it has got me on is gone I don t really know what adjectives to attach to this book, because compared to its savvy way with words, nothing that I come up with right now will ever do it justice What I can say, is that it was a thing of beauty And that s not an adjective so don t give me that look like I m pretentiously contradicting myself, thank you very much But I m veering off the point here This book didn t make me cry It has, it seems, made lots of people cry, but not me It did shock me, though It made me tremble, gasp, and stare at it agape, like some that one idiot who wasn t in on his or hers surprise party This book made my heart hurt This book crushed my feelings and handed them back to me in a platter, shrugging when I asked what the hell was I supposed to do with them now, This book made me lots of things but the one I liked the most the one that stayed with me for as long as it could before I started dramatically PTSD ing about it like a traumatized grandpa who fought in Nam back in the day and has seen it all was that it made me smile As I said, the smile didn t last long when you re this shocked about something, it s kinda hard to stop your mouth from freezing in a permanent O But it was there and it was beautiful and blissful and all those gushy things we see and watch and read about but never really happen to us to me, at least It was there and for one brief moment, I didn t want to let this book go I didn t want to put it back on my shelf the one it sits in now, still all pretentious looking and looming over its lesser peers and have itthan inches away from me I fought back the overwhelming feeling, obviously, and I did win, kinda sorta not really, but although I am not clutching it with my wishful fingers or staring at its cover like it just whispered dirty and unknown things in my ear, this book is Why I Smiled, an establishing shot of The Idiot Who Made Assumptions That Weren t The Least Bit Right, a whole box filled with insignificant feelings that I now give back to you, person who has probably not read thus far Make what you want of this because I m done I am done and I never want to revisit this, not today, not ever, probably tomorrow Bernardo (((Book))) ☠ Why We Broke Up ☃ I m telling you why we broke up, Ed I m writing it in this letter, the whole truth of why it happenedMin Green and Ed Slaterton are breaking up, so Min is writing Ed a letter and giving him a box Inside the box is why they broke up Two bottle caps, a movie ticket, a folded note, a box of matches, a protractor, books, a toy truck, a pair of ugly earrings, a comb from a motel room, and every other item collected over the course of a giddy, intimate, heartbreaking relationship Item after item is illustrated and accounted for, and then the box, like a girlfriend, will be dumped I feel like I just went through a break up. Let me tell you, book, why we broke up You were in first person, the narrator being a girl who constantly, constantly was being called arty, different, and who always hated it, who always repeated herself and wrote in run on sentences like it would sound different And that s why we broke up Her boyfriend, this different girl s boyfriend, is a jock, and quite clearly from day 1 an asshat and a loser, and yet she dated him and loved him within two weeks of ever knowing him, and it was such a Let me tell you, book, why we broke up You were in first person, the narrator being a girl who constantly, constantly was being called arty, different, and who always hated it, who always repeated herself and wrote in run on sentences like it would sound different And that s why we broke up Her boyfriend, this different girl s boyfriend, is a jock, and quite clearly from day 1 an asshat and a loser, and yet she dated him and loved him within two weeks of ever knowing him, and it was such a stupid and ludicrous thing for her to do, and that s why we broke up And to make matters worse, this girl, this Min, as her name is, turns out to be a sort of manic pixie dream girl who is inspiring the best in the jock She s amazing, of course, but Handler didn t make her believable at all, not the way she had friends or didn t have them, or the way she planned things or did whatever she wanted while apparently being Jewish with an overprotective mother We don t really get to know who she is other than two things she s obsessed with films, arty films, and her entire identity apparently resides in her boyfriend And that s why we broke up Also, most chapters ended with and that s why we broke up, right after talking about something nice he did that had absolutely nothing to do with why they broke up But you know, that s why we broke up Also I dislike books with extremely static characters Especially if all the characters are static Just, no And that s why we broke up This breakup story has a nice premise, but the narrator, as written by Daniel Handler aka Lemony Snicket , is too artsy quirky hormonal annoying for my taste Her penchant for run on sentences and pages long angst filled paragraphs is hard to appreciate The dialog is mostly annoying too It is worth mentioning though, that this book got starred reviews from pretty much every major professional review publication So I am clearly going against the grain here This breakup story has a nice premise, but the narrator, as written by Daniel Handler aka Lemony Snicket , is too artsy quirky hormonal annoying for my taste Her penchant for run on sentences and pages long angst filled paragraphs is hard to appreciate The dialog is mostly annoying too It is worth mentioning though, that this book got starred reviews from pretty much every major professional review publication So I am clearly going against the grain here First, here s just one elided line not even the most wonderful line, just a lovely one out of a million beautiful lines that encapsulates why Daniel Handler is the most wonderful startlingly unique best ever You snacked away into the other room, and the rubber band sat in my hand, a loose worm, a lazy snake, a wide open lasso ready to rodeo something Who writes like that Who isfantastic than Daniel Handler No one, no one, no one Holy goodness gracious this book is so good Another t First, here s just one elided line not even the most wonderful line, just a lovely one out of a million beautiful lines that encapsulates why Daniel Handler is the most wonderful startlingly unique best ever You snacked away into the other room, and the rubber band sat in my hand, a loose worm, a lazy snake, a wide open lasso ready to rodeo something Who writes like that Who isfantastic than Daniel Handler No one, no one, no one Holy goodness gracious this book is so good Another thing this book is is long And now that I bike instead of subwaying and spend smoke breaks on my phone with the Facebook, it takes me way way longer to read things So in the spirit of this beautiful brilliant book, which is the story of a collection of objects that together make up a few month relationship, I will tell you about all the things I stuck between its pages over the month I was lugging it around.postcard listing yoga classes at Body Actualized CenterI don t do yoga, but I do write Brooklyn Spaces, for which I interview crazy people doing crazy shit in Brooklyn Body Actualized Center is a former chicken slaughterhouse remade into a yoga school and venue for chill out parties If you think that s neat, you can read an interview with the space s founder on my site here.business card for real estate agent Daniela HMy parents want me to try to buy an apartment Because I live in Brooklyn, this is a laughably impossible idea, but I went so far as to answer a few of ads, and Daniela, a kind but firm Russian lady, showed me a couple of apartments that are the size of a postage stamp half a mile from any subway and cost a million dollars or so Oh Brooklyn.Old Navy couponI am way too morally superior to buy sweatshop made, unfashionable, fall apart after the first wash duds from this stupid storeexcept when I am really broke and super desperately need jeans I am not proud of this business card for Laura on the back of a Swedish Tarot cardLaura is an artist who is collecting 1 million in losing lottery tickets, among other things I met her at an art salon, and then I left the salon and biked around and met up with my boyfriend and we went for Chinese food, and there was Laura, sitting at the bar Also, what a neat idea for a business card.little menu for Mrs Dorsey s KitchenThis place has THE MOST AMAZING grilled cheese sandwiches, holy shit.flyer for HackertownI guess I got this at the Maker Faire It looks pretty rad, I should check them out.scribbled bicycle directions to Maker FaireThat was a long ass bike ride, but sooo worth it Although also a reminder that Queens is a goddamn lot less bicycle friendly than Brooklyn.business card for Andrea Met her at the Brooklyn Book Fest She s the niece of one of the writers I work with at my weird day job, which is at a ghostwriting firm.a paystubProof of how little money I make at my weird day job, and how I will never be able to buy an apartment or even another grilled cheese from Mrs Dorsey s Kitchen Fuck.receipt for dog foodGoddamnit, dogs eat a lot.receipt for cigarettesObviously a totally reasonable expense.card for a tumblr called PonciliI have no idea what this is or where I got it The site is in Spanish, which I do not speak.an actual bookmark with a watercolor of orange flowersThis is from one of those charities that send you hopeful packets stuffed with greeting cards and return address labels and tiny calendars to try to guilt you into giving them money I was not so swayed another paystubFML.receipt from a bank depositThe deposit was my paycheck, not a several thousand dollar mystery inheritance or gift from a secret admirer, alas statement saying that I owe my doctor s office for some tests I had done like six months agoUm I will pay this really soon anda few tiny rhinestonesthat fell off of a super cheap pair of jeans who knows where they came from and that I thought I should save to craft with And there you have it A selection of detritus from a month of my life If I were 1 100th as amazing as Daniel Handler, you would now know everything about me and my loves and my fears and my style and my friends and their weaknesses and struggles and triumphs Also this would be 100x longer And I would be able to afford a pair of jeans that are not morally reprehensible Wow I haven t read something I so enjoyed in quite a long while.I read this book with my friend Jesse Every day we would set a target and read up until that point, sharing what we thought of that section, gushing or ranting That experience was so much fun and it definitely added to the reasons why I loved it it was something I shared with a friend.However, this book didn t need that added loveliness for me to give it five stars The biggest point of WOO for me is the writing Daniel Handler Wow I haven t read something I so enjoyed in quite a long while.I read this book with my friend Jesse Every day we would set a target and read up until that point, sharing what we thought of that section, gushing or ranting That experience was so much fun and it definitely added to the reasons why I loved it it was something I shared with a friend.However, this book didn t need that added loveliness for me to give it five stars The biggest point of WOO for me is the writing Daniel Handler really has his own style, and he can really work it The novel read as a stream of consciousness, as a person thinking and feeling without the filters of editing and proper grammar Some of the passages were so poetic, so well constructed, that I reread them I never highlight things, never take notes while reading, but I did with this book It was so deserving.The plot can also not be forgotten We are all aware, even before the book has started, that the two main characters will be splitting up But I found myself searching for hope that maybe they could make it work, searching for loopholes Even though I knew exactly where the plot was going, could even guess a bit of the ending, it still had me excited and intrigued.Finally, the realism of this book In a lot of ways it is instalove, but done ironically In a lot of YA novels instalove isn t done on purpose the author simply doesn t know how to write love In this, however, the instalove was bold and true It was the reason that they had to break up Because it s instalove It isn t real The characters too, had so many flaws that you don t often get to see with YA novels I hated them sometimes, but relished in their flaws.I loved this book I enjoyed every moment of it It had it s setbacks of course, there were several times when I was quite confused, not understanding what was going on, misinterpreting But I think that might have been a bit on purpose You can t understand everything What I do know is that I loved this book Loved it loved it loved it I did not finish this book.Nor, do I have any intention of doing so.I don t pretend to be an expert on Lemony Snicket or whoever I did not read that series of unfortunate events series and frankly, never plan on doing so, either But I can say, that this author, has theoretically disappointed me.It s not that the plot was badnecessarily It s just thatthe whole thing was very annoying I didn t like the main characters I didn t like how every little thing of every thing someone did had I did not finish this book.Nor, do I have any intention of doing so.I don t pretend to be an expert on Lemony Snicket or whoever I did not read that series of unfortunate events series and frankly, never plan on doing so, either But I can say, that this author, has theoretically disappointed me.It s not that the plot was badnecessarily It s just thatthe whole thing was very annoying I didn t like the main characters I didn t like how every little thing of every thing someone did had to be wry, sarcastic or overly angsty I didn t like umwhat s the guy s name Rob Joe Something generic like that I didn t like the narratror, either which I think is important, don t you Wasn t her name Miranda or something I don t know I can t remember anyone s name.But I suppose that doesn t really matter.Because I did NOT finish this book I ve had it for what feels like years and it s cost me an arm and leg 4 bucks at the library And for what Thirty pages worth of complaining Thirty pages worth of this is why we broke up, bill or whatever his name is I just hated it.but.and this is a HUGE butmaybe i should give this book another chance in the future sometime say, 2036 ohand why the heck was this thing so heavy i couldn t carry this anywhere 3.5 stars What happens when an arty , different kind of girl like Min dates a popular, selfish prick like Ed Why We Broke Up happens Remember how your English teacher brought out the artistic and literary side of you when she he tricked forced you into telling something about yourself through show and tell This book is kind of written that way It is about a box of Ed Slaterton treasures Min Green collected during the entire course of their relationship It is a very cute concept with t 3.5 stars What happens when an arty , different kind of girl like Min dates a popular, selfish prick like Ed Why We Broke Up happens Remember how your English teacher brought out the artistic and literary side of you when she he tricked forced you into telling something about yourself through show and tell This book is kind of written that way It is about a box of Ed Slaterton treasures Min Green collected during the entire course of their relationship It is a very cute concept with the matching illustrations that made the entire thing interesting The book is basically one long letter written by Min to Ed and in it she explains how each token inside the box contributed to the reasons why they broke up Broken and emotional, you could truly feel every emotion of Min through her narrative She uses appealing imagery and vivid descriptions that will remind you of that time when you were experiencing the worst or perhaps most painful break up The long, almost endless run on sentences which she kept using reflect her raw and honest feelings, her anger at her experience, at Ed and even at herself It s also very interesting how she relates every incident to scenes from classic movies The only thing that annoyed me is her out of place cursing But this book is so muchthan just what it is because it teaches you how to face a break up and how to move on in such a healthy manner Of course, you can always go for the easy way out and that is to maybe do this and thisand thisandyou got my point Lol But what better way to release your emotions than write Once upon a time, I did something that slightly resembles what Min did I can t believe I m sharing it now but well, here goes nothingANTIDOTEI was so naiveHow could I believeEverything you saidShould have used my headYou asked for a chanceDeceived me with your glanceInto your evil spellUnfortunately I fell My reason in oblivionForgot I had opinionI drank your poisoned potionCaught in lifeless motionIn my nearly endless slumberJust about as long as foreverA drop of antidote from nowhereAwakened I am elsewhere A loud sigh of relief I exclaimedFrom sure doom I was savedVulnerable I shall be neverI have discovered the permanent cure This book was BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING, but something that bothered me was how some of the things Min talked about made me think the book should have been titledWhy We Shouldn t Have Dated in the First PlaceYou can see how these things about Ed bothered her right from the beginning, but she just went with it anyway grrrrr.